Between Queens & The Cities

I saw an article on Twitter about this book by Niranjan Kunwar and after I read it, I knew I had to immediately get it. It was exciting because I’d never come across nor heard of a piece of art so detailed about queer Nepali experience. The only place I continue to learn about south Asian queer art and stories is on social media. As someone who believes in the power of vulnerability and puts it out via art, I was looking forward to the book to arrive at my doorsteps. Not to mention, like many others, I was looking to connect with others during this pandemic. 

In his dedication page he writes “For those Nepalis who have dared to write honestly and create thoughtfully”. After reading these words I knew this was already a remarkable book and was going to take me through a whirlwind of emotions. At a time where a lot of us are feeling a variety of uncomfortable emotions cooped up in our houses, I paced myself with reading this book since it was filled with raw experiences of Kunwar. I took my breaks and gently interacted with a piece of work that was almost like Kunwar’s piece of heart, very delicate yet powerful. Soft yet strong. I can only imagine the strength it might’ve taken to put this book out into the world as Nepali society is quick to raise questions, be overly critical, or simply sweep it under the rug for it to never see the light of day because of lack of knowledge and understanding when it comes to the LGBTQIA+ community. 

I resonated with so much of the book. The fear, stagnancy, anxiety, liberation, feeling like you belong neither here nor there. And during all these, the importance of chosen family, friends and community that help you get through hurdles. One of such sections is located on page 109 when Kunwar is preparing to come out to his parents and he receives an email from a friend reassuring and encouraging confidence in him. This friend quotes a paragraph from Mariam Williamson’s A Return to Love : “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” I just found that very beautiful. They are the perfect words for someone in the position that Kunwar was in and for anyone who is preparing to come out with their truth to their loved ones. I also have to mention the artwork by Ubahang Nembang on this book which also was wonderful and truly a cherry on top to bring it all together. 

Kunwar also acknowledges the privilege he has in the book by including brief stories about other LGBTQIA+ folks from rural parts of Nepal and their journeys. By telling these stories of people of other caste, gender and socioeconomic backgrounds, he gives a boarder look at the current status of queer people and their livelihoods, hellish journeys they’ve had to take and continue to. He talks about his cishet, financial, educational and caste privileges on interviews that are available on YouTube. Kunwar writes about his life in New York and Kathmandu, Nepal. All the movements, emotional shifts, and his trials and tribulations through the years as a gay man throughout the years. After 7 years he decided to permanently move to Nepal. As I read about this decision, I was scared for him. But he wrote he needed to face his fears; the reaction of his family when he comes out. (I would like to point out that I do not recommend coming out to family, unless one is financially independent, has people that already know and have their back completely, has somewhere safe to go or stay after, in case the worst happens. Safety comes first.)

As he adjusted back to the Nepali life, he moved in and out of flats which I found surprising. That’s because I realized how easy it was for him to simply do so. His privilege as a cishet man gave him the permission to do this. This had me wondering what a queer femme’s book would sound like, would they be able to move one place to another, one country to another, alone, peacefully? Rent flats, live a relatively judgment free life in Nepal like Kunwar has without society raising an eyebrow or perhaps even stopping them? These are the questions I ask myself and you. Femmes and visibly queer folks tend to face much scrutiny in every move they make than someone who is queer but passes as a straight, cishet person.Even for as simple as finding a place to live, independently and by themselves. 

Nonetheless, Kunwar’s book certainly opens doors for queer stories and artists. I hope marginalized queer folks resonate with the book and the catharsis of it. He also points out the painful gap between the progressive, protective laws that were put in place by brave people and organizations such as The Blue Diamond Society protecting the Nepali LGBTQIA+ people and that the Nepali mindsets and society have yet to meet where the laws are. Kunwar writes about handful of brave queer folks, most of whom were caste out of their families and societies, fired from jobs who have made strides for the future generations of queer people of Nepal. Two of such individuals are Rukhshana Kapali and Alok Vaid Menon. Rukhshana is from Newa ethic-nation of Nepal. She’s a transgender activist and writer whose work is about LGBTQ+ issues and Newa ethnicity & heritage. Menon is a gender non-conforming artist and performer who works on themes such as gender, trauma, belonging, etc. Along with introducing the reader with individuals as such, he also reminds the reader to simply accept all the changes that come with living life, the ones we love and ones we don’t and everything in between. 

I deeply appreciate this contribution Kunwar has made in South Asian queer stories. I look forward to read, view, admire, create more queer art pieces such as this groundbreaking memoir in the near future. 

Many names in the book have been changed but I happen to follow a couple of people on social media that he mentions. : Rukhshana Kapali and Alok V. Menon. Check out their websites and social media to familiarize yourself with the important work they are doing. You can also donate to The Blue Diamond Society here. BDS continues to house and support LGBTQIA+ people who have nowhere to go when they've been caste out. 

Niranjan Kunwar : https://www.metronir.com/

Alok V. Menon : https://www.alokvmenon.com/#new-page

Rukhshana Kapali : https://minchyaameyju.wordpress.com/